“Seriously,
why do you have one of those?” asked Nick, pointing to the Nuts
Girls 2013 calendar nailed to Peter's bedroom door.
“Don't
act all high and mighty Mr. Germaine Greer, you like boobs too.”
“Yeah
but I don't keep a certificate on my wall to prove it, like, “This
is to certify that Nick Taylor does enjoy looking at boobs, signed,
The Society for the Verification of Boob Enjoyment. P.S. A tastefully
photographed buttock has also tickled his fancy on occasion.””
“There
would probably be a separate certificate for that.”
“True.”
“But
anyway, if you got a certificate you wouldn't even hang it on your
wall, you're too ashamed of your mammary voyeurism. At least I'm
honest about my penchant for nipple gazing.”
“It's
not about honesty, it's about being considerate to the people who
come into my room.”
“The
only person who ever comes into your room is yourself.”
“What,
like, I stand in the doorway with the door propped open and propel my
bodily fluids through the threshold?”
“Yeah.”
“Nice.
But my point is, I don't have my masturbatory aids plastered to the
walls because I want to spare my visitors the visual reminder that I
wank.”
“To
be honest, once I'm four days into the month I'm pretty much finished
with the calendar for the next twenty-six days or so. So it's really
only a mental image that you have to deal with if you come here when
the month is still young.”
“What's
the date today?”
“The
third. We're just about in the dangerzone still, although not for
long.”
“So
then what, she's just like, on your wall for the rest of the month,
judging you for what you've done to her?”
“I
link to think of her more like a clingy ex, begging for more and
muffling her sobs when she has to witness me and my new lover. It's a
real confidence booster.”
“That's
probably the worst thing you've ever said to me.”
