As I've mentioned on this blog before, Chris Brown (or Christopher Brown as he likes to be
called on the streets) is an awful human being, and his offensively
terrible pop music is overshadowed only by a rich history of domestic
violence. Now he has teamed up with his former victim Rihanna on her
latest album Unapologetic to record the controversial track Nobody's
Business, and like a shit Midas that turns everything he touches into
shit, Christopher has helped Rihanna create a track that is, well,
shit.
Have a listen:
First of all, it would
be unfair to disseminate this song without a look at the worst two
lines of the song:
Every touch becomes
infectious,
Let's make out in
this Lexus.
What
is it that's so irresistibly romantic about a Lexus? Sure, Lexus do
generally make reasonably nice cars, but they are hardly the
auto-mobile equivalents of a heart-shaped, rose-petal-strewn bed in a
dimly lit room. A Lexus is probably about the connubial equivalent of
two single beds pushed together in a Travelodge: the facilities are
adequate for all your love-making needs, but you probably wouldn't
choose it as the location of a surprise anniversary gift. Do you
really want to make out in a Lexus, Rihanna, or are you just saying
that because it rhymes with the word “infectious?” I suppose it
is quite difficult to find rhymes for “Jaguar.”
“Ain't nobody's
business” is the defiant refrain repeated ad nauseum, or at least
that's what it says in the lyric booklet (if it comes with a lyric
booklet that is; it's probably just pictures of Rihanna's boobs or
something. I don't know you can't expect me to do any research.)
because those certainly aren't the words Christopher and Rihanna are
singing. Instead they repeat the words “ain't nobody bid-na” at
you like some strange and disorientating form of Dada-ist high art.
This I don't really understand. I mean I know in pop music language
is de-formalised and you can expect the odd 's' or 't' to be dropped
from a few words here and there, but the word “business” in no
way resembles the word “bid-na.” Was it Christopher or Rihanna
who came up with the idea of replacing the main word of the chorus
with another, completely unrelated and meaningless word? It must have
been something that they sat around and discussed. When planning that
song someone must have said “hey you know this word “business?”
Well, how about we replace half of the letters with a random
assortment of vowels and consonants from this game of Boggle?” It
must have been something they discussed, because there is no way in
the world the two of them could have simultaneously decided to
replace the exact same word with the exactly the same Dr. Seuss-esque
nonsense word at exactly the same time. There's more chance of SpikeMilligan's “On the Ning Nang Nong” being an attempt at
Agricultural Reform that miraculously encountered a string of
eighty-eight consecutive typos.
Let's put the aside
surreal pronunciation and awful lyrical content for the moment
however and focus on the message of the song. It's quite a difficult
song to unpick and I'm sure it is loaded with ambiguities and nuance,
but I think what Rihanna appears to be saying is that her and
Chrissy's relationship is none of anyone else's business. It's
interesting that if her relationship with Chrissy is nobody else's
business that she would choose to write a popular song about that
relationship for an audience of literally millions of people. It
seems somewhat contradictory, and possibly even dishonest towards her
true feelings (can you believe it?). It seems like what the song
should really be saying is not “our relationship is none of your
business” but “if you disapprove of our relationship then it's
none of your business, but if not then please show your support by
buying this song, learning the words and singing along at
performances costing £60 a head.”
That's just what I
think anyway, although I'm sure it's none of my “bid-na.”
